Starting Life Over in the US After a Career: How to Live Without Titles or a Name

OlyaWhat about the saying “where you were born is where you’re useful”? Let those who decided to be useful where they were born keep it; let’s leave that saying for them. There are no borders. The borders are in all of our heads. And you can try living your life in different places, with different people, in a different culture and a different language, and you’ll become a completely different person while you’re at it.

KristinaHi! This is the Without Borders project. I’ve been interviewing people for many years: radio, live broadcasts, my previous project, more than 200 people. And you know what happened to me somewhere around the 150th interview? I stopped hearing what a person was saying and started hearing what they were silent about. That’s what this project grew out of.

There won’t be any success stories here; you’ve already heard those a hundred times. And there won’t be any advice from me either. Somebody else’s advice has never moved anyone from the spot. And every border that holds us back was drawn by someone, once. Age, looks, money, “it’s too late,” “what will people say.” And almost every border, trust me, you can simply walk up to and test with your hand.

KristinaToday I’m joined by a woman who was told her whole life, “You can’t go there.” And she went to every one of those “can’ts” and came back with a crown. Olya Kamenskaya, let’s go.

KristinaWhen you got here, was everything smooth, or was it hard after all?

OlyaI felt that immigrant fear.

KristinaListen, I don’t know a single immigrant for whom everything was easy. If you do, you’ll introduce me.

OlyaI’d really love to meet one, because starting to live in another country at a conscious age is very hard. You know, everything my life stood on, basically I found myself without any of it. In Russia it was much easier for me, because I already had a name, I had some money, I had a job, I had a personal brand that everyone talks about. And here I’m just Olya, Olga, as Americans say, and there’s nothing behind it.

And you arrive in another country and realize: everything you studied day after day stops mattering to you. Because even when you go to a store, you can’t buy yourself meat, because you don’t know how many kilograms are in a pound. You start everything from zero. You don’t know what miles, kilometers, pounds, gallons are. Living in our own countries, we didn’t know those terms at all. And here everything starts over.

And on top of that it’s a bureaucratic story. I just adore it. And you have to go through that whole path. I was telling a friend recently: if I had to solve this issue in Russia, I’d probably just make a phone call. Here, first, there’s nobody to call, second, it’s useless, and third, we know that until a document passes all the required checks, it won’t complete its mission. And we’re not used to that. We’re used to a phone call, going around the rules, skipping the line.

KristinaIdeally, a favor between buddies.

OlyaYes. So I don’t know a single migrant who had... I actually hate that word. It’s very hard for me, the word “migrant,” especially to admit it about myself. Honestly, it was very hard for me. How many tears I shed, these were literally crocodile tears, and there were meditations, and everything else, because it seemed to me I wasn’t coping. And at the same time I thought: “Come on, Olya, calm down, you’re a grown woman.”

KristinaOlyushka, so glad to see you.

OlyaLikewise. Endlessly likewise.

KristinaTell me, how many times did you rehearse on the way here what you were going to say today?

OlyaTotally. You understand, first of all: when I walked in, notice, I didn’t even ask you what we’d be talking about today. So, in principle, I’m probably ready for any questions. Well, that’s what I think, at least right now.

KristinaPlease tell me. I know you have a lot of achievements that we’ll talk about today. But was there a person in your life... We’re not talking about a name now. Who were they to you? Was there a moment when you were told that you don’t belong there, that it’s not for you?

OlyaIt seems to me that my whole life is basically built on always hearing exactly that about myself: that I don’t belong there. Starting in school they told me: “Well, why, what for.” And then my whole life, as everyone says, has been in spite of. There are always a lot of people who don’t believe in me, truly. But at the same time there are a huge number of close people who support me in any adventurous venture of mine.

KristinaAnd is there a person in your life whose opinion matters a great deal?

OlyaI probably have to say it’s my, now former, boss, with whom I worked for more than 20 years. I never didn’t care about his opinion. If he says it was crap, I’ll believe it.

KristinaAn insurance company. Sounds rather boring, but still. In short: what did you do there? I know the leap from junior employee to executive was a powerful one. But what exactly did your job consist of?

OlyaFor the last several years I worked with large clients, with the biggest companies, with our policyholders, and built relationships with them. My role at the company began as a rank-and-file employee in the small town of Kovrov, Vladimir Oblast, in Russia, and I ended my career with the title of vice president. That’s quite a long road, it’s interesting, and I’ll never say it was easy. Because behind it there isn’t just a pretty picture, but also a lot of tears and proving myself. You have to understand that it’s still, I always think, an authoritarian company, because it was run by men, at least in the past. Now the vector has changed a little. And so you always had to prove that you’re not only inwardly resilient to the changes in the world, but also that you look great and maintain your image.

KristinaAnd how many times in your life did you plan to leave that company?

OlyaDozens of times. It all started, you know... Now I think: what nonsense that was in my life. But once I cried, actually sobbed, because the loss ratio of the portfolio was very high. And it seemed to me that the world had narrowed down to just this, and I couldn’t influence it. Generally, I handle it very badly when I can’t influence something. I do something and nothing changes. I took some management actions and nothing changed. And I cried, I bawled. And after each of those, you could say, meltdowns, I of course planned to quit. But it never got serious.

Not once in my life, and now maybe I shouldn’t brag about this, because if Gen Z watches me, they’ll probably think I’m abnormal, but in 20 years I never went to a job interview, not once, anywhere. Now I consider myself, probably, a dinosaur. I simply wasn’t raised any other way. I always think: if you love, you love to the end, and if you’re devoted to a person or a company, you should be devoted to them to the extent that you’re able. So I always said, and I stand by my words even now: if I end my career at the company, it’s one chance in a million, we won’t make it a hundred percent, no exceptions, that I’d ever join a competitor’s company. Because playing against yourself, it seems to me, is very low.

KristinaYoung people say now: if you’ve tried several times and it doesn’t work, then most likely it’s not yours, the Universe isn’t guiding you there. So I’m curious: should you really listen to the Universe, or do you need to just push straight through?

OlyaWell, for better or worse, I always push through. The Universe is wonderful, of course. I truly believe in the Universe, and it gives me a lot of hints. But affirmations and signs from above alone are, unfortunately, not enough. Meditation is very cool, and I support that. But one is impossible without the other. I sincerely believe you can’t achieve any serious victories in life without going down a certain path.

I don’t know what percentage of people win a lottery ticket on the first try, what the statistics are, probably they need to be looked up. But I know for sure it’s a very small number of people. And most rich people got there not because they won a lottery ticket, but because every day they fought with their work challenges and proved to themselves, to the world, to the business, that they deserved to make that breakthrough.

KristinaCan you imagine, right now there are girls sitting out there who are really into meditation and believe that what they’re striving for will come soon thanks to meditation. And you just went and refuted it.

OlyaKristina, I actually also believe that, thanks to the Universe, the world can change. But I also put effort into it. And you know, like in that joke: if you want to win that very lottery ticket, at least buy a lottery ticket. So if you want to be rich, famous, well, at least start digging in that direction. Or at least lie in that direction.

So I’m not against meditation, it’s a great tool, I love it myself. But there’s a situation where you stand firmly on your feet, and then there’s the one where you, I call it this, fly off from reality and think everything will happen by itself. It won’t, absolutely. For that you have to work a lot.

KristinaYou said “digging,” and I remembered a famous joke. Two friends meet, and one asks the other: “My God, you’ve lost so much weight, what’s your secret?” She says: “Potatoes.” “Eating them?” “No. Digging them.” It’s the same thing. Take action, my friends, and it will all work out.

KristinaYou won a major pageant and got a crown. Did many people tell you that winning a beauty pageant would be impossible for you?

OlyaI’ll say more than that: they said it before, during, after, and still don’t believe it. That’s a totally normal story. And you know, I often say this myself: I assess my chances adequately, looking at myself in the mirror, and I understand that there are millions of girls who are much more beautiful and who know how to present themselves better. But there are nuances. Probably some charisma. Because I truly believe that for many things in life it’s not enough just to have intelligence, beauty, or some other qualities. Charisma is very important, how much people like you or don’t like you. And you know how much hate I caught after I brought that crown to Russia. That was a whole separate story.

For three weeks I didn’t tell anyone about it. I mean, I won here, in America, came back to Russia, and decided I wouldn’t tell anyone. Because I’m doing great with impostor syndrome too, you understand? I don’t take my victories seriously, as if it really happened to me. But it turned out that the American press wrote about it, and Russian news started to spread it. And one day I woke up and realized that I had caught this part of my fame.

And you know, besides the close people who were happy for me and said, “Wow, cool,” imagine how many people told me that I’m unworthy: “Look at yourself.” And as you understand, nobody in the comments chose their words, so they told me I’m ugly, I’m fat. And a lot of words with which people, in effect, described not only me but themselves. We understand that beauty is in the eye of the beholder. I sincerely believe that a beautiful person sees only beauty in others, while a person who is deeply unhappy inside, as a rule, sees a catch in the eyes of whoever is looking at them. That’s all.

KristinaHow do you achieve individuality, uniqueness, which so many people strive for now, especially when starting their social media? Everyone wants to be very individual, but here’s the paradox: striving for that individuality, for some reason everyone ends up looking alike.

OlyaYou know, it’s very hard to be an individual, because it’s very hard to do what others don’t do. After all, if you do the same thing everyone else does, you’re one of many. You don’t stand out from the crowd, there’s no attention on you. A lot of people who want attention, fame, some kind of extraordinary attention, don’t understand that they’re not ready for it. Because being an individual means not being afraid to be yourself. I’m not afraid, for example, to wear bright clothes. I’m not afraid to wear short clothes, even if someone writes to me that I have cellulite. I’m not talking about beauty right now, but for me that’s also stepping out of my comfort zone and allowing myself to do what I want. So it’s very hard to be an individual if you’re afraid to show who you really are.

KristinaIs there some secret? Specifically to show that very individuality, not to be afraid of what’s going on inside you. Maybe it will help someone really show who they are, without embarrassment.

OlyaThe secret is very simple. Imagine that around you are exactly the same ordinary people as you. Why are we usually afraid of public opinion? Because it seems to us that the people who are judging us, they are something else, they’ve already reached such a level, they’re so cool, so advanced. But actually, if you imagine that they’re ordinary people, and now I’ll say something, probably not for a podcast, they also go to the bathroom, can you imagine? And they don’t even fart roses, these people. Then for some reason the world becomes much more down to earth. You understand: well, this is the same kind of person. Great, achieved more, holds a great position in society, but the same kind of person. And if they understand that you’re talking to them completely as an equal, neither above nor below, I’m sure they’ll be just as happy for your opportunity, for the fact that you’re trying to be an individual and develop yourself. Friends, fart away, for your health. Don’t be afraid of your individuality.

KristinaWell, we’re all human, after all.

KristinaDo you have a favorite phrase that you, maybe, keep telling yourself throughout your life?

OlyaI always say that nothing is impossible, nothing like that exists. And even when the whole world is against it and says there’s absolutely no chance of doing something, I say: let me test it on my own experience. Other people’s experience is very cool, and if I had followed other people’s experience, I probably wouldn’t have hit myself on the forehead with a rake so many times. But thanks to my own experience, and the fact that I’ve stepped on the same rakes so many times, I walk my own path and understand that if I have a goal, a dream, then it’s absolutely achievable. I even have, you know, lifehacks for how to make a dream come true.

KristinaWe urgently need lifehacks.

OlyaFirst: you need to find people who have already fulfilled that kind of dream, goal, task, and look at them. If you have the chance to be in contact with that person, that’s even cooler. And this, probably, answers 90% of the questions you have inside you.

I truly believe that your community and surroundings support you in many ways, and on the other hand, don’t support you, as we said about hate. But they definitely reflect you, they show who you are. And if you’re ready to reach for the stars, then you’ll definitely be one of them soon. And there’s a saying that I said and still say to my children: if your friend is a janitor, sooner or later you’ll become a janitor; if your friend is an athlete, sooner or later you’ll take up sports; if your friend plays the piano, sooner or later you’ll get interested in music; and if your friend is, I don’t know, a bad person, let’s not say who, sooner or later you’ll try their experience. So I sincerely believe you need to choose your surroundings very carefully and wisely. And not only in terms of what you can learn from them, but also how willing these people are to share with you what they’ve achieved in this world.

KristinaOlya, right now we’re living, it seems to me, in a time when people’s values are getting blurred. How do you manage to keep yourself focused in this period?

OlyaActually, in such an unstable time it’s really hard to keep your focus and keep your thoughts in order. But, probably, I won’t be discovering America by saying that I also have a therapist I work with, who from time to time highlights for me whether I’m doing it right or not if my focus of attention drifts. The second thing I mentioned: I have close people who, I know, support me in any of my supergenius decisions, even if it isn’t one. These are, probably, the two pillars I stand on. Plus upbringing. What Mom and Dad instilled in me: that you have to be an honest, decent, sincere person. Probably that’s how I live with it.

KristinaOften your success is celebrated more by strangers than by your own family. Why?

Olya…has something you don’t. And not everyone is ready to accept that fact. You grew up together, developed together, and then one person moves forward, another sprints to the finish line, and someone else is left standing at the start. It’s a very hard psychological test: seeing that someone else can grow faster than you. But what’s probably more important is not to think about what people think of you. My therapist, by the way, said something to me recently: “I don’t think about what the planet Saturn thinks of me, because I don’t think about it.” So it’s very important not to think about what others think of you, and to keep going your own way and doing what you do, if you know you’re on the right road.

I’m sure the people who love and value you will always support you. And the people who envy you, who hate on you and tell everyone you don’t deserve it—they’re not measuring your strength, they’re measuring their own courage. I recently flew to Russia, and of course there were a lot of comments from people I know: why did you leave? After some time, those same people tell me: “Olya, you’re so brave, you just went and tried and did it, and I can’t.” As a rule, behind someone else’s judgment is the absence of a result of their own. But give those people a second chance. Maybe they just need someone to reach out a hand and help them get to the finish line with you. Maybe they’re simply lost in this life.

KristinaA life across two countries. When you came here, was everything smooth, or was it hard? Did you feel that immigrant fear, the “immigrant syndrome,” as they call it?

OlyaListen, I don’t know a single immigrant for whom it was easy. If you do, introduce me—I’d love to meet them. Starting a life in another country at a conscious age is very hard. Everything my life was built on—I was suddenly left with practically nothing. In Russia it was much easier for me: I already had a name, I had some money, I had a job, I had a personal brand that everyone talks about. And here I’m just Olya, Olga, as Americans say, and there’s nothing behind it. You come to another country and realize that everything you studied suddenly doesn’t matter. Even going to the store, you can’t buy yourself meat, because you don’t know how many kilograms are in a pound. You don’t know what miles, pounds, gallons are. Living in our own countries, we never knew those expressions at all. And everything starts over from the beginning.

And then there’s the bureaucracy, the politics—I just adore it, as they say. I was telling a friend recently: if I had to solve this issue in Russia, I’d just make a phone call. Here there’s no one to call, it’s pointless, and we know that until a document goes through all the required checks, it won’t complete its mission. And we’re not used to that. We’re used to a phone call, a workaround, skipping the line, preferably as a favor between friends.

KristinaYes, yes, yes.

OlyaSo I don’t know a single migrant for whom it was easy. I actually hate that word, it’s very hard for me to say it, especially to admit it about myself, that I’m a migrant. And how many tears I shed—those were real crocodile tears. There were meditations, and buying a ticket back, and everything else, because it felt like I couldn’t cope. At the same time I thought: “Olya, calm down, you’re a grown woman.” The first thing I ran into was when I went to get a local driver’s license, and the DMV employee practically threw the documents at me. I walked out and started sobbing. I felt this crazy self-pity: you, Olya, have been driving for 20 years, you’re a respected person, and some employee throws documents in your face and tells you that you failed the driving test. You just lose some kind of root of yourself. I got so angry in that moment that of course I got my license—and on my own, too, I memorized 250 test questions. I thought: “Olya, pull yourself together, you can definitely do this.”

And that’s the migrant’s path we all walk here: every time we run into something new. Yesterday I got a fine because I had a doormat by the door of my apartment. Every time I think: what else? What else am I supposed to be surprised by? The things that surprise me keep appearing. Of course, it’s not an easy path. And the people who once took the risk of trading their country for another one—having lived in their shoes, I can say they’re people with an absolutely different level of IQ. You know why? Because they’re ready to solve problems that would never have been useful to them in their own country—there, it isn’t even a problem. And here, for example, most recently: I had to drive to the post office to confirm my mailing address. I don’t even know how to explain why I needed to do that.

But each of us chose this path. I still don’t know why. When people ask me, why did you move, I answer: I guess I decided to test myself once more and find out what I’m capable of. Very often some of us go to God, some to the Universe—we ask for strength. But when we ask for strength, our muscles don’t grow. Instead we get trials that let us build that strength and test how much we can endure. So, spoiler: don’t ask the Universe for strength, ask for ease in making decisions and for every situation to resolve well. And finally start believing in yourself.

KristinaA hundred percent. You can’t do without that. I always sincerely feel for the girls—I have quite a few friends whose significant other tells them how worthless they are. Have you had that kind of experience yourself?

OlyaThank you, but no. If a person from my inner circle showed up and started telling me I’m good for nothing, that person simply wouldn’t be around. So no, thank you, I haven’t had that experience. And I’m grateful to my close circle, which supports me rather than drowning me out. My advice to girls in that situation is always the same: you have to run from a relationship like that. If someone tells you that you’re not worthy, look at yourself. Girls who weigh 130 pounds think they’re fat, and I don’t know what to say to them. Maybe I’m not objective, but I sincerely believe you can be beautiful at any size, with any eye color and any skin color.

KristinaWhat do you think allowed you to win a beauty pageant more than once? Which of your qualities, specifically?

OlyaFirst—charisma. That’s something you can’t build up in yourself or borrow from anyone. Second—energy. You can copy everything in life: any business, any person. But the energy that radiates from a person can’t be copied. That’s why so often the same business either takes off or doesn’t; the same collections either land or don’t. It all depends on a person’s energy. And third—recklessness. The ability to do reckless things: in 2023, going to America for a beauty pageant was a reckless thing to do. We were told: look at yourself, look at the news, they’ll throw green dye on you, they won’t even let you in. But I believe so much in my recklessness: if there’s a goal, I don’t see obstacles.

KristinaYou wrote on your Instagram that you’re an ambassador of change. Is there a change in your life that you haven’t made yet, but really want to, and keep putting off?

OlyaLet’s start with the fact that I really have made a lot of changes in my life, thanks to the circumstances that happened to me. After I had cancer, I reassessed a great deal. After moving, too. But the thing I still can’t leave behind… I’m going through a divorce right now. It’s like the story of a suitcase that’s very heavy to carry, but you still feel sorry to throw it away. When love is over, it’s very hard for two partners to admit that each of them will have their own life ahead. That’s the change I’m in the middle of right now, and you’re the first person to find out about it.

KristinaMy dear, I think that with your abilities and your attitude, this change will absolutely happen in your life very soon.

KristinaHow do you even tell that love is gone and that it’s no longer love but some other feelings: attachment, habit?

OlyaLet’s not talk about love specifically, it comes in different kinds. Any relationship—friendship, marriage, work—always requires two partners to take part. It’s work that both partners show up for, perhaps without noticing it. You can’t be friends with someone if you’re always telling them about your problems and never ask how they’re doing. And the other way around: you won’t keep talking to a person who pours out their heart to you if you stay silent the whole time. You can’t live with a person who stops growing, when you realize the gap between you is quite large. That, in my view, from my own inner sense, is the biggest pain in many marriages and for people close to me: when your interests in life become completely different.

And here comes a moment. Either you pick up that story and start working on it, striving to keep up, reaching upward. Or you throw in the towel and decide that everyone owes you. But in relationships, nobody owes anybody anything. No employer will pay a salary to an employee who doesn’t come to work, and in the same way an employee won’t come to work if they stop being paid. All sorts of situations happen, but in the big picture that’s how it is. In any relationship, that energy has to come from both sides. And in a couple it’s very important to match each other, just like in friendship. You probably feel it yourself, that people disappear from your life, people you practically have nothing left to talk about with, because one of you moved up and the other stayed where they were. That’s neither bad nor good.

I sometimes give an example. It’s as if you’re looking out from the first floor and you see everything that can be seen from the first floor. And a person on the fiftieth floor is sitting and looking down at what’s going on at the first. And the person on the first floor has absolutely no idea what the person on the fiftieth is talking about—they’ve never been up there. So there’s one option. Either the person at the bottom gets in the elevator, rides up fast, catches up, and the two of you enjoy the beautiful panorama from the fiftieth floor together. Or you each go your own way.

KristinaAbout the career road. From a junior employee all the way up to director, should a person have leadership qualities? Do you have leadership qualities?

OlyaThere’s no other way. That’s actually a big pain point for me, because many of my friends can’t deal with me. I always say: cut me some slack, please. Because even in friendship I sometimes carry over what should be taken off and left at home, at work, wherever. But unfortunately that’s what I live with: yes, I’m a leader, I know how to lead people, I know how to make people believe me, and I don’t do anything special for that. I just become myself, and that’s it.

And who is a non-leader? A non-leader is a person without ambition, who isn’t ready to move mountains tomorrow and climb Mount Ararat, at the very least, and who isn’t striving to be better tomorrow than they are today. And right now I’m not talking about work at all. You can be a great leader outside of business, you can be a leader in any relationship, you can be a leader for yourself. If you wake up every day, go to the gym, and want your body to be better, you’re already a leader, because every day you’re doing what it takes to be better tomorrow.

KristinaConsidering that you worked for a company for a long time, would you take a job like that now, or is that no longer for you?

OlyaFor me it honestly doesn’t matter that much whether it’s working for a company or for myself. I worked for a company, and beyond that only for myself. I absolutely don’t think that working for a company is bad or very good. First of all, getting a text message once a month saying your balance has been topped up, regardless of what’s going on in the outside world—let’s just say that’s really great. As for the downsides, for me what matters is less whether it’s for a company or for myself and more the people I work with. If I’m willing to work for a company, then that person definitely has to be a leader, and I have to want to go with them and move forward. My manager, with whom I worked for 20 years, was exactly like that, and still is: if he said it, his word is final. For me it’s very important that at the front of the train there’s an engineer who drives the train and knows in advance where it’s going.

KristinaJudging by the fact that you’re such a leader, we’ve already figured that out, you have a strong tendency to control everything around you. That’s my pain point. How do you cope with it? How do you switch off that control that really gets in the way of living?

OlyaIt’s very hard, and I carry this over into my family, the worst of it. My son is 21, and I can text him at two in the morning: “Where are you, and why haven’t you come home?” He gets very offended, and for some reason he controls me, too. It’s very hard. I really do work a lot on this, on myself first of all. But let me put it this way: who said that controlling everything is so bad? From some smart books and textbooks, we were told that you shouldn’t control everything. Of course, I’m perfectly aware that I’m not God. Other people’s lives don’t belong to me, and they don’t depend on me. I can’t control what’s beyond my power. But many things can be controlled perfectly calmly, and I don’t think that’s bad. In some places you have to tone down the zeal—with those people who aren’t ready to admit that maybe they’re the ones waiting for that control.

And also, life has so many slackers—I want to use a swear word, but I’ll say it in polite language—who really do need to be controlled. To control doesn’t mean to let everything drift, or the opposite. It means to step in and ask, especially if it concerns you, your health, your family, your money. Why not, why shouldn’t you control it? So I would argue with the psychologists who say you should let control go.

KristinaHow would you picture your day five years from now?

OlyaI’d probably put it this way: it will be the day of a happy woman. And the state of happiness is different for every person. I’m sure that five years from now, my state of happiness will be completely different from what it is now. Right now I have values I stand on and strive toward, but I’m sure they’ll change in five years. And I’d like to be happy in the state I want to be in. That absolutely doesn’t mean you have to be beautiful, famous, or rich. For every person, the state of happiness is personal. You can be in meditation, which we talked about a lot today, and be completely happy. You can go to a job you love and be very happy. Or you can simply read a book at home, be with your family, and be very happy that way too.

KristinaDo you think a person can change?

OlyaA person’s change comes either from a very strong core inside or from outside circumstances. Unfortunately, in 90% of cases, the people I see changing change because of circumstances that happen to them, circumstances that force them to change something in their life and in their state.

KristinaI’d say only about 10% of people can change because they know inside themselves what needs to change. And I’m talking about everything here: your inner thinking, wanting to change your appearance, maybe even wanting to lose weight. You have to be a strong person to walk that path. You said you had cancer and that you changed a lot in how you look at life. What exactly changed?

OlyaFirst, I think I started loving this life even more. And the most important thing I’d like to say is that I completely stopped putting my life off for later. I don’t wait for the best moment to come. Not for anything. I act today. I don’t wait for great weather to, I don’t know, go for a walk. I don’t wait until I lose weight to enter a beauty pageant. I don’t wait until I have money to fly to Alaska. I act right now, right here.

And it’s an amazing feeling to be able to honestly say to yourself: “Olya, do you want this?” “Yes, I want this.” “Well, then let’s do it now. Let’s not wait for a super perfect moment.” You know, the saddest part is that the best moment may never come. Most likely, the best moment is right here and right now. So the biggest thing I can say and do is this: don’t put your life off for later.

KristinaSo why do we love living with this postponed-life syndrome so much? Why doesn’t that little button switch on somewhere, I don’t know, at birth?

OlyaBecause we don’t believe in ourselves.

KristinaWe don’t believe in ourselves.

OlyaWhy don’t we allow ourselves to take certain actions now? Because deep down it always seems to us that we’re not worthy of it yet. Let me do 300 more push-ups, and then I’ll definitely go enter the pageant. Let me just get this first... We never believe in ourselves; it always seems to us that the person next to us definitely has those qualities. He earned it, he’s already walked his path, and I haven’t.

But what if we assume that all people have equal opportunities? Just assume that we all have the same opportunities in life. When we see people with disabilities reaching almost unearthly heights, it prompts only words of support and admiration. And if we assume that all people are the same and stop comparing ourselves to anyone, you know, a great deal in life changes.

KristinaWhat are you instilling in your daughter today? What do you think wasn’t instilled in you as a child?

OlyaMy parents never told me I was beautiful. I was never praised. And I think I’m still constantly proving to myself and to the world that I’m beautiful. Even now, when my mom compliments me, she says, “Just don’t get a big head.” I don’t know, it’s probably some Soviet past, a Soviet upbringing.

I tell my daughter ten times a day that she’s beautiful. I tell her twenty times a day, “Don’t be afraid, just do it.” She already does sports professionally, rhythmic gymnastics. Even though she’s little, she’s seven. Not everything works out for her, honestly. And at championships we usually place second to last. And when the wonderful connoisseurs of life, as I’d call them, start telling me, “You should quit gymnastics, you can see it’s not for you,” I say, “Let’s not offer your comments when I didn’t ask for them.” Even if a coach tells me that, I’ll go to a different coach. If two coaches tell me that, I’ll find a third and find the one who believes in my daughter. Because I truly believe that if there’s someone next to you who believes in you, you can conquer any peak.

In our Soviet childhood, that wasn’t there. That’s just how it happened. My mom isn’t to blame. She also lived in a world where praising wasn’t done, where saying kind words wasn’t done. Even now she doesn’t always tell me she loves me. But now it’s a different world. Our children have completely different boundaries. By the way, I’m simply amazed by my kids’ boundaries. I say, “How do you even know how to say ‘no’ and cut it off right there? You don’t pick your words.” But the main thing I put into them is one idea: that everything will work out for them, they’re the best, and that courage takes cities, for sure. So you have to be brave and try.

KristinaOlyushka, everything will work out for you.

OlyaThank you, dear.

KristinaAnd I’m sure your courage will take not only cities but countries and anything you want. Because our parents are wonderful. Magnificent. I love my mom very much. The way they brought me, so beautiful, into this world, wow.

OlyaWow.

KristinaJust now, while you were telling your story, I kind of felt a little like myself again. I think many people watching us right now felt the same: it was the Soviet era, and love was what it was. We don’t get to choose our parents. But how great that we can be different.

OlyaBut you know, I want to tell you: our children will also have a reason to go to a therapist and discuss us. I always say this to my son when we argue: “You know, I’m learning to be a parent together with you.” When I had my son, I was 20 years old. I didn’t know what it meant to be a mom. And I learned to be a mom alongside him, a good one or a bad one, but the one I am. So I think the ability to admit that you can’t do something in this life, even being a mom, a wife, a caring daughter, is simply a very strong quality. And when you admit it, I think everything gets easier.

KristinaI know that in our lives today, the female sex is no longer what it used to be. We’re not the “weaker sex,” as we were called. We’ve picked up very strong momentum, sometimes much stronger than, excuse me, men: drive to achieve, leadership, the ability to stand up for ourselves, to become a director. Is it really so easy for women to combine all this with having children?

OlyaI honestly think it’s hard for us girls to live in this world, because men don’t take us seriously, no matter what they say. For the most part, they don’t take us seriously. Each of us has our own life values and principles by which we build our lives. I know for sure that for girls who put family and children first, it’s much harder to show up in the outside world, because you shift your focus inward, toward the family.

And when you try to be a leader, a manager, or rather, you’re not even trying, you actually are a leader, you are a manager, you head a team, you run business processes, and at the same time you come home and have to help with homework, put the kids to bed, pack a lunchbox, take care of your other half. And on top of that you need a perfect manicure, because people will talk if it wasn’t perfect. Or you need to iron your blazer properly to go to an important meeting. And you need to give attention to that too.

KristinaNaturally, of course.

OlyaSo of course it’s hard, but it all depends on your priorities. If you set your priorities right, then it’s absolutely fine. For example, I never plan any meetings on Sundays, especially with girlfriends, no going out anywhere, because Sunday is always the day I spend with my children.

KristinaWhy did I ask? Because I know many women feel guilty when they give too much attention to work, to achieving some goals, some heights. And it seems to them that they’re not spending enough time with their children.

OlyaYou know, I’d argue with that. I think these women feel that way because there are men next to them who pointed it out. And my answer is simple: if you don’t want me to be a leader, an achiever, make it so that I don’t want that. Give me what I’m striving for, and the question will be settled. Let’s be honest: as a rule, girls go into leadership, into achieving, and build careers not because life is good for them. Of course, there has to be an inner core and everything else. But as a rule, if there’s a strong man next to you, he will always stay strong, even if there’s a strong woman beside him. And nobody will instill any guilt in anyone here.

KristinaThat’s really about partnership.

OlyaWell, that’s why I brought it up. Any relationship, whether work, friendship, love, marriage, or family, is a relationship that two people have to show up for like it’s a job.

KristinaYou said it’s really good to choose your circle of people right. How do you choose your circle? What kind of person should someone be, what qualities should they have, to get into Olya Kamenskaya’s circle?

OlyaI’m always very proud that I’m surrounded by a lot of great women and successful men who don’t spray venom and, on the contrary, are ready to help, to support, to be glad for your success. I could tell you what the book says to do when choosing a friend, but we don’t live by books, and that’s total nonsense. So I always give a person a chance. And if I like someone on a gut level, then I don’t just give a chance, I take two steps toward them myself and say, “Let’s be friends.”

You know, there’s this great quality children have that we’ve forgotten since childhood. Kids walk up to each other by the ocean, by the sandbox, and say, “Let’s be friends, I’m Olya.” But in adult life, for some reason, we don’t allow ourselves that. It’s as if we credit a person in advance with some great qualities, so we’re either too shy to approach them, or it seems they’ll turn us down, or we decide that in adulthood it’s somehow not done to say, “Hi, I’m Olya, let’s be friends.” But it’s so great! I’m truly happy with my circle, which, among other things, changes, because we ourselves change inside. I sincerely believe that friendship is one of those qualities that can be your helper at any age. And making friends as an adult is just an incredible thrill.

KristinaAnd do you have people in your circle who are now the complete opposite of what you listed, but you need them for something?

OlyaA hundred percent. I have a friend, a man, who criticizes me all the time. “I’ve gained weight, you should pay attention to yourself.” Every time he’ll slip a drop of poison into his remark. And of course it triggers me like crazy. Maybe precisely because it triggers me, I keep giving him a chance at further friendship, I don’t know. But people who highlight unique things that someone else wouldn’t be able to say are always needed. Saying something unpleasant to someone close is also a skill. If it’s really true and not your made-up story. It’s very important to tell truth from hate. Everyone has people like that in their circle, and I think they should be there, for motivation. The main thing is that it doesn’t turn into pressure.

KristinaAbsolutely. If you feel extreme discomfort from it...

OlyaAbsolutely. Everything should be comfortable. Everything should be within your comfort zone, which still doesn’t know where it is. But I absolutely believe it shouldn’t be violated by such people.

KristinaFriends, if you’ve found that very comfort zone everyone says you need to step out of, please write to us in the comments so we know where to find it too.

OlyaYes, because all the psychologists keep saying the same thing: you need to get out of your comfort zone. And I have my own question: how do you find this comfort zone? Where is it? Now the psychologists will surely tell us and write a story about where to look.

KristinaWe’ll go on a hike together.

OlyaYes, absolutely. It’ll be fun, I’m sure.

KristinaOlya, tell me, please: you came here to America, headfirst into everything, as they say, and you still say you often feel puzzled about why things happen the way they do. How do you feel here when it comes to the language? Comfortable, uncomfortable? Many people say you shouldn’t come to America without English. What’s going on with your English?

OlyaListen, when people ask me, I tell the story too: in Sunny Isles there are people who’ve lived for 20 years and still know “bye-bye” and “goodbye,” and that’s where the story ends. Unfortunately, this is my pain, my growth zone and my growth point.

I used to perform on stage a lot for work. And one day I read that public speaking ranks as the second-biggest fear after death. That people fear public speaking almost as much as they fear death. I thought then: what unimaginable nonsense! Until one day they handed me a microphone and asked me to comment in English, right here in Miami. Do you know what was happening to me? It felt like I’d swallowed a thousand needles. And I realized I have everyday English, and I’m absolutely not ready to speak English with a microphone. And that’s when I understood: here it is, the growth zone, here’s the huge chasm, the pit.

Of course, you can survive using sign language, probably in any country in the world. In principle, you can communicate through interpreters, you can find a Russian-speaking circle for yourself and, again, never leave that comfort zone we were just talking about. But I’m still for trying to get out of it. We didn’t all end up in America for no reason. So we need to embrace everything that happens here. My friend and I often go to American events and socialize. For me, it’s always stepping out of my comfort zone, because I’m afraid I won’t understand something. You know, like in those Reels where a person says, “My dog died,” and the reply is, “Yeah, yeah, yes, good idea.” It’s the same here. Of course I worry, I get nervous, but I go into it knowingly, because I understand that if I want to live in this country, I have to learn to speak the language that’s spoken here.

KristinaI got curious just now. You say: I walk onto the stage, I take the microphone, and there’s the audience. How do you introduce yourself on stage?

OlyaFor twenty years of my life, I told people who I was. Then, I’m not afraid to say it, a lot of other words joined those credentials, and, you know, I hung them on myself like ornaments on a Christmas tree: “And I’m also this, and I’m also a Mrs., and I’m also a vice president,” and then I went on telling people what I was like. And when I came to America, I realized that I’m just Olya Kamenskaya. And it’s such a great feeling, as if you’ve stripped bare. It’s even better than that: it’s as if you’d been in high heels and suddenly stepped barefoot onto the asphalt and felt the earth.

When you talk to someone and say, “I’m Olga Kamenskaya,” and you don’t go on about your credentials, something magical happens. The person starts to befriend you, talk to you, build a connection, without knowing anything about you. When I lived in Russia, I used to think: “Oh, of course he’s talking to me this way, because maybe he needs something from me.” But here nobody needs anything from me, except maybe one thing: maybe all he wants is to talk with me. And this chance to strip bare, kick off the heels, and come down from them to the ground is absolute bliss, when you walk out with a microphone and simply say that you’re Olga Kamenskaya. You say your name.

Recently I went to an event where I had to tell people literally three sentences about myself. Before, I would have had 23 sentences. But this time I told them completely down-to-earth things that anyone can relate to. Like, for example, that I walk 10,000 steps every day. And I got so interested that I can be an ordinary person, just like everyone else, and people can love me for it. When you take off the mask, you realize that people never loved you for the mask, but for the person inside.

KristinaDo you have a favorite hobby, something you enjoy that we haven’t talked about at all today, something we don’t know about you? Maybe you crochet, I don’t know.

OlyaYou know, in Miami I discovered wakeboarding. I learned to stand on a board. Something I had never done in my life, even though I had never stood on skis, a snowboard, or anything else.

OlyaI love it, really. For me it’s the best meditation, when I’m on the board.

KristinaYou know, by the way, there’s an amazing story we talked about.

OlyaAbout how it helps me a lot to let go of control. Because when you’re holding the rope and have to balance literally on your feet alone, it feels like if you let go of the rope right now, your control will be gone and you’ll fall off the board. That’s how it feels, which is amazing. But when you let go of the rope, you can keep riding the wave, steering with just your two feet. And the more relaxed you ride, the more firmly you stand on the board.

It’s all like in life. The more relaxed you go through life, the more firmly you stand on your feet.

KristinaAnd what are you afraid of in life? Today we really heard a lot about you: that you’re such a powerful woman, that you can stand up for yourself, that you’re a leader, that you’re not afraid of hate or of any attacks from people you’re not interested in. Their opinions and thoughts don’t interest you at all. So what are you afraid of?

OlyaYou know, until recently I thought I was very afraid of what you might call social death. You know what social death is? It’s when nobody is interested in you, when on social media or in the press they can write something awful about you. I honestly was afraid of social death until very recently, until I ran into a very unpleasant situation. And I realized that, in principle, it’s just so unimportant in life. Again, thinking about what others think of you, when inside yourself you know who you are. When inside yourself you know what you did and what you didn’t do. And when inside yourself you know how decent a person you are, well, at the very least toward yourself and the people around you.

KristinaWhen we were just starting our conversation, I said you’re a good person, and you answered, “We’ll still talk about that.” What was going through your head?

OlyaI honestly believe that every person has both bright sides and dark ones. And the ability to admit your dark sides is also a very powerful tool. We all love to say how pure and fluffy we are. But I have a lot of bad sides, a lot of dark ones. And the ability to admit them, to put ashes on your head and say, “Well, yes, this is who I am, take me as I am,” is also a very strong quality.

And you should never say about someone, “He’s so perfect.” There are no perfect people. Every one of us has both positive and negative sides. The point is that in some people something just outweighs the rest on the scales, and that’s all.

KristinaSocial media. What do you need to do now to get noticed in all this crazy flow of information?

OlyaListen, I think that question should be asked of bloggers with millions of followers, which I’m not. But I honestly believe that what matters isn’t the quantity but the quality of the audience you have. And I know that my audience is, first of all, a supportive audience. These are people who are interested in my life.

In general, Instagram is a really cool platform that has bailed me out many times in my life, wherever I was, in whatever country and whatever corner of the world. I very often post Stories and say, “I’m in Rome” or somewhere else. And right away someone shows up and says, “Let’s grab a coffee.” And that’s great. For example, I held the same kind of events, motivational brunches, in Russia. Now Katya and I hold events in Miami. And it’s always our audience from Instagram, whom we tell that we want to meet, share, show our pain, share our successes. The people who are with us support us, and they come.

So, you know, there are a lot of bloggers with millions of followers who have nothing inside. I know for sure, as Olga Buzova says: “My people are always with me.”

KristinaIn Miami, many people say, it’s a city of showing off.

OlyaYou know, I think that with age, when you’ve seen a great many people in your life, both showy and not, you simply stop paying attention to it. I always say that Miami is a city that takes off the masks.

I was recently in Russia again, and I took a couple of tracksuits with me, because I thought I was flying for a short time, but ended up staying the whole summer. And I realized that the tracksuit I wear here everywhere, to a feast and out into the world, there I can only afford to take out the trash in it. That’s the showing-off story: I see Chanel bags in Russia far more than I do here.

As a person for whom clothes are, after all, an attribute of success and attractiveness and, probably, partly a way to show who you are... As a person, I’ve always loved designer things, beautiful clothes with logos, I won’t argue. And for the first time I allowed myself to give that up, precisely in Miami, because here I feel completely comfortable in a seven-dollar T-shirt from Walmart and eighty-dollar leggings from Alo. Completely comfortable, and at the same time I don’t feel that anyone won’t take me seriously because of how I’m dressed. Of course, clothes matter, and people do judge us by our clothes at important meetings. I couldn’t have come to see you today in pajamas, obviously. But that’s not about showing off, it’s about what you really are.

You know, I was recently in a Chopard boutique. While we were trying on jewelry, a man walked in, completely on the fly, and bought his woman a necklace for 980 thousand dollars. He did it practically at a run. The boutique is very small, and I was present for his whole conversation: he asked the consultant what they could recommend, and they recommended a necklace. It cost 980 thousand. I repeat, the boutique is very small, I heard the conversation perfectly. On top of that, his transaction wasn’t going through: the bank didn’t approve the purchase right away, and he called the bank. And since we were sitting in neighboring chairs, I was forced to listen to his whole conversation with the bank.

The man who bought a necklace for 980 thousand on the run was not in Hermès slippers at all. He was wearing a Columbia T-shirt and some jeans. He told me it was their wedding anniversary, twenty years, and he really wanted to make his wife happy. Tell me, is that showing off? It’s not showing off. It’s about possibility: whatever he can afford, he does. That’s what I love about Miami: it’s not a city of show-offs. It’s a city of people who can afford to do what they want. And it doesn’t matter what they’re wearing or what they drive. Like in the movie “Pretty Woman”: we urgently need to spend an indecent amount of money.

KristinaAmerica! You came here, you wanted to come here, I understand. The desire was huge. And now you’re here, and America is in front of you. Did everything work out the way you dreamed? Was America exactly what you imagined, or different?

OlyaListen, I’ll be honest: I’m very often surprised by people who, when I ask how they moved, tell me that their friends moved, told them how great it was there, and so they moved too. But no, my sensible brain couldn’t allow itself to do it that way. And it wasn’t a story like, “Oh, cool, America, maybe I should stay.” For many years I flew here on vacation, and Miami was my hometown, where one day I allowed myself to stay. That’s all.

So it wasn’t a story about conquering America. Although, probably, someday that will be in my life, I’m sure, I’ll get there. But it was still more a story about finding myself. And, of course, the climate means a lot. I absolutely love New York, California, great. But our wonderful, beloved Miami, where the sun shines 365 days a year, is a place on Earth like no other. By the way, I’ve visited more than 80 countries, and America, Miami in particular, is the only place where I wanted to stay.

KristinaWhat is travel for you?

OlyaTravel is, first of all, a chance to meet new people. I have an expression that I often tell my friends: many people bring back magnets from their trips, and I bring back new names in my address book. There hasn’t been a single trip from which I came back without new names. I always meet new people who show up in my life completely by chance. For me it’s a chance to see a different culture, someone else’s, and dive into it. And I really don’t care what kind of trip it is. I obviously prefer five-star hotels, all great, but with just as much joy, last year, for example, I lived in an RV and traveled around Alaska. It’s an incomparable trip.

So when we travel, we can be ourselves. We don’t need to, as we were saying, go on stage and list twenty epithets about how cool you are. You are who you are. You put on shorts, a tank top, a swimsuit, and go enjoy life and talk to the people you meet in this world.

KristinaBy the way, I recently read a book in which a famous actor traveled around different countries and kept a diary where he wrote down the people he met and attached photos. Maybe we’ll soon see a book like that from Olya Kamenskaya, too.

OlyaCool. Interesting idea. I’d gladly make a book like that, because I’m in touch with almost everyone, really.

KristinaSince we’ve started talking about books: it’s become very trendy lately to read books about how to become a millionaire, how to earn a lot of money, be a president, be a billionaire, and so on. What do you think about that? Does that kind of literature really help?

OlyaI don’t read books like that. I’m sitting here right now thinking about what to lie to you. But I think I won’t lie to you, I’ll just say that I don’t read books like that. I don’t know, maybe I have a very narrow outlook, but I honestly don’t read them. I honestly believe that talking with one person replaces ten books you’ve read. That’s the principle I live by. I’d rather talk with one millionaire than read a book by a hundred millionaires about how to become a millionaire. That’s my whole answer.

KristinaBy the way, do you believe in astrology?

OlyaI do. Every year before my birthday I have an astrological chart made, a natal chart.

KristinaDoes it come true?

OlyaYes.

KristinaAnd don’t you think it’s a kind of psychological system, where you read it and have already programmed yourself?

OlyaI really like the program where you know that everything will be fine for you. The main thing is for the program not to be crappy. But you know, obviously I don’t start every day with astrology. Unfortunately, I don’t have the time or the resources for that. But once a year I order a natal chart for myself and look at what I need to lean on.

You know, we really do have so much information coming from everywhere right now. And it’s very important to be able to lean on something in life, at least. It’s great to lean on yourself, which is what I’ve done all my conscious life. But, you know, it’s very important to see some kind of support from outside, too. And let that support be in astrology, in mythology, in anything. Everyone has their own methods.

KristinaFriends, our podcast today turned out to be very interesting. I don’t want to call it motivational, not at all. It’s not about motivation. It’s about allowing yourself to be yourself. To be that very person, without any credentials and wrappers. Let them be there, it’s a great added bonus, it’s life experience. But when you can say with confidence, as Olya said to us today, “I’m Olya Kamenskaya, and that’s enough,” that’s truly the highest level of mastery.

I thank you for today’s conversation. It was a deep conversation. It was a conversation precisely about “Without Borders.” About those very borders that you weren’t afraid to walk up to and touch with your hand. And you realized they’re not really borders at all: “Maybe I can go even further.”

OlyaAnd for my part, I want to thank you for this open conversation and wish everyone that there be no borders even in your head. So that you not only don’t just touch the borders, but can push them back.

KristinaThank you. Subscribe to Olya’s Instagram: she posts a lot of interesting things, and I especially liked her trip from yesterday.